Losing Grip
by wickedfaerygirl
Summary: Matt reacts to his jealousy over Jeff in a way no one expected. And Lita tries to tell him the truth.
1. Losing grip

Disclaimer: I own no one!! HA!! For my own purposes, Lita never dated Matt.

Matt cringed as he heard the shouts of "We want Jeff!" from the crowd. It had always been Jeff that they wanted. Never him. Lita didn't even want him. It was always Jeff. She hadn't even noticed when Matt had fallen in love with her. She had been to busy hanging out with Jeff.

Matt walked up the ramp, his thoughts churning. His self-hatred had hit an all-time high. Everyone hated him. But what was he supposed to do? Sit back and be happy that everyone loved Jeff and didn't give a rat's ass about him? Be happy that Jeff was the golden boy and he was the pathetic loser in the background trying to get some glory of his own?

He was beginning to understand why Christian had turned on Edge. After putting up with being in the shadows for so long, it was only too easy to snap. He knew he wasn't the high-flyer or the crazy dresser, but that didn't mean he wasn't just as good as Jeff. But no one could see that. His own father sang the praises of Jeff constantly, forgetting Matt's accomplishments as if they'd never happened. The only way out was to turn on Jeff. Maybe then people would understand how much pain he'd hidden inside, but no, all they cared about was poor wittle Jeffy.

"I'm so sick of Jeff!!" Matt shouted as he slammed his fist into the wall.

"That's too bad Matt, because I just secured him as talent for Smackdown." Stephanie smirked as she walked him.

Matt stared after her, disbelievingly, then knocked over a nearby table, covered in food.

"Dammit!!" Matt stormed into his locker room, collected his stuff and hurried out to his car. He sped off to the hotel and spent the night fuming and trashing whatever he saw. Lita called him around midnight.

"Matt, are you ok?"

"OK? Sure Lita, I'm great. My brother's coming to Smackdown and I'll be stuck in his shadow again!! I'm really looking forward to it, let me tell ya!!"

Lita sighed. "Matt, you have to get over this jealousy thing..."

"Oh yeah sure, it's so easy to get over it. Everyone loves him and none gives a damn about me!! Even when I was still with him, they didn't care. My own father cares about him more!! I might as well be pushing up daisies for all they care!!! I could be dead right now and they wouldn't feel anything!!"

"Matt...." Lita sighed.

"I have to go Lita. I'll talk to you later."

"No, Matt!!" Lita sighed as she heard him hang up. "I wanted to tell you that I love you."

next Smackdown.........

Matt shouldered his bag as he stepped out of his car. He could tell from the large screaming crowd a little way off that Jeff had arrived. He grumbled to himself as he entered the arena. Around him everyone was talking excitedly about the arrival of Jeff.

"Losers." Matt pushed open the door to his locker room and dropped his bag on the ground. He sat down in a chair and leaned his head against the wall. A few minutes later, someone knocked on the door. "Yeah, come in."

He sat up as Jeff walked in.

"What are you doing in here?!" Matt stood up and faced Jeff.

"I just wanted to tell you, no hard feelings and I forgive you. By the way, we're tagging together against Tajiri and Jamie Knoble." Jeff walked out the door, leaving a stunned Matt Hardy behind him.

"DAMMIT!!" Matt pushed over the changing screen that stood next to him and slammed his fist into the wall. The room shook a little with the force, and Matt went to change into his ring gear.

The Match........

Matt entered the ring first, watching Tajiri and Jamie out of the corner of his eye. Nidia bounced around outside the ring, taunting him.

"I think Jeff is so sexy Matt!!"

Matt leaned over the ropes and caught her by the hair as Jeff's music started and the arena erupted. He scowled and let go of the screaming Nidia, moving just in time, as Jamie and Tajiri sailed over the ropes where he had been a second ago. Jeff entered the ring and climbed up onto the turnbuckle as the arena was illuminated by camera flashes. Matt rolled his eyes and leaned against the ropes as Jeff finished his entrance and Tajiri and Jamie climbed back into the ring.

The match was over in minutes, Jeff of course hitting the Swanton on Jamie to get the pin. As Jeff celebrated the win, Matt made his way to the back. The fans still booed him and cheered for Jeff. Inside him something snapped. he turned and faced Jeff in the ring, his face hardening into a dark glare.

"If that's the way it's gotta be, then so be it."

Matt shouldered his bag and left the room without bothering to change. As he started towards the parking lot, Jeff ran up behind him.

"Hey Matt, where're you going?"

"I'm leaving Jeff. For good."

"What? You're gonna stop wrestling just because I'm here? I knew you were jealous, but man!!"

"It goes deeper than that, Jeff. Why stay here when no one wants to see me? When the fans could care less whether I'm alive or dead? Why stay here when I'll only be in your shadow again? I wrestle for the fans, and since the fans want you, I'm leaving."

"But Matt, that's not true!!" Jeff pleaded with his brother.

"Oh isn't it?! Every time we went out there they screamed for you, begged for you. But when I was out there, the crowd was dead. They didn't care. Our father doesn't even care anymore!! You're all he ever talks about!! Jeff this and Jeff that!!" Matt shouted, causing Jeff to step back. "Maybe I shouldn't even be alive anymore!!"

Matt turned and left a speechless Jeff behind him. He muttered to himself as he walked out to his car, got in and left. He knew exactly what he was going to do. If the fans didn't want them, if they didn't care, then he'd be gone.

When he got into his room, Matt sat down and wrote a note to anyone who bothered to look for him.

To the unlikely person that cares,

I'm gone. You're rid of me. No more Matt Hardy. Gonna have a party now? I thought so. Jeff can rest assured that I won't attack him again because of jealousy and Dad won't have to pretend he cares about what I've done in this business. Shane and Shannon won't have to deal with my "ego" anymore. And Lita, now you'll get to find out the truth. I love you. You could care less, but I love you. You may have been to wrapped up in Jeff but I still loved you. Too bad I could never tell you in person.

Matt left the note on the bed and walked into the bathroom. He picked up a bottle of aspirin and poured out the contents. After getting water from the tap, he began to pop the pills into his mouth. He lost count after 30. As the room began to darken, he heard a knocking at the door.

"Matt, let me in please!!" Lita.

He leaned on the counter and tried to pull himself towards the door, but he was already losing consciousness. The bottle of aspirin fell to the floor, the few remaining pills scattering.

"Fine! Good thing I got the key from the front desk!!"

As Matt slipped away from the world, the door swung open and Lita stepped in. She screamed when she saw him and the pills on the floor.

"No!! Matt!! Somebody!! HELP!!" She screamed as she ran to him and kneeled next to him, drawing him into her arms. Matt watched her through half closed eyes, surprised to see tears streaming down her face. Trish ran in then, shrieked at the scene and ran for the phone. As she dialed 911, tears welled in her eyes and she whispered "Don't die Matt, don't die!!"

Lita leaned over Mat, crying.

"Matt, you can't die!! I love you Matt!! Don't die!! I love you!!" She shook him, trying to keep him awake.

"What the hell?!" Jeff walked in and nearly lost control at what he saw. He ran over to Matt and Lita and kneeled next to them. Behind them Trish was hanging up the phone.

"The paramedics are on their way!!" She joined them on the ground.

"Matt, why?" Jeff let tears flow freely as he grabbed his brother's hand.

"I figured...nobody cared...so...why...stay." Matt mumbled.

"No, Matt! We care!!" Trish grabbed a hold of his arm. "You don't know how much everyone cares about you!!"

"I'm sorry I was such...a problem. I love you guys."

Matt's eyes shut and Lita screamed.

"NO!! Matt!! You can't leave me!! I love you too much!! I can't live without you!!" Lita sobbed as Trish wrapped her arms around her. Jeff cried as he held his brother. He lay his head down on Matt's chest and sobbed, then suddenly felt something beneath him. Very faintly, Matt's heart was still beating.

"He's not gone yet, guys. And if I have anything to say, he won't be gone for a long time."

Lita and Trish turned to him, surprised. Lita crawled over to Matt and lay against him, listening to his heart.

"You won't leave me Matt, I won't let you."

Moments later the paramedics arrived and took Matt to the hospital.

the end???

R/R!!! PLEEEEASE!!!


	2. Another truth revealed

Jeff held his brother's hand as the paramedic's loaded Matt into the back of the ambulance. As he sat down, he saw Trish gently leading Lita towards her car. He tightened his grip on Matt's hand and looked down at his older brother.

"God Matt, what happened to you?" Jeff heard the sob in his voice as he spoke. Matt's face had turned an unhealthily pale color and dark circles were forming around his eyes. "You can't die on me now, Matt. I need you. You're my brother. There's no Hardy Boyz if one's gone. There's no Team Extreme without you. Lita loves you man. You're all she ever talks about. Come on Matt. Don't die on me now."

Lita let Trish steer her towards the car they'd rented. She watched the ambulance driving in the distance as she stepped into the car and shut the door. Trish pulled out of the parking space and sped off, following the ambulance. As she drove, Lita leaned against the window and just stared. She was snapped back to reality when Trish pulled a piece of paper out of her coat pocket and handed it to her.

"I found this when I called 911."

Lita took the note Matt had written and sat up to read it.

"He thought we didn't care! And he loves me!! Trish, he loves me!! If he dies, I don't think I'll be able to survive."

"It'll be ok, Lita. He'll be ok." Trish tried to reassure Lita, but she wasn't even sure herself. The rest of the ride to the hospital was silent, with only a few little sobs escaping from Lita's mouth.

Jeff was told to wait outside as Matt was taken away by hospital personnel. He sat alone in a waiting room, the sounds of the hospital echoing around him. He stared down at his hands and didn't look up when he heard two sets of footsteps approaching him.

"Well?" Trish took a seat on one side of him, while Lita remained standing, a far away look in her eyes.

"They just wheeled him away. I'm still waiting for word on his condition."

Trish nodded and the silence continued for another half hour. Then a doctor appeared, a grave expression on his face. Lita gripped the arm rest of her chair so hard her knuckles turned white. Trish gulped down a sob and Jeff sat stonily, no emotions evident on his face.

"Jeff Hardy?" The doctor looked down at a clipboard then back at Jeff.

"Yes?" Jeff sat up as the doctor addressed him.

"Your brother has had his stomach pumped. If he makes it through tonight, then he'll fine."

"Thank you. Can we see him now?" 

"Yes, I'll show you what room he's in." 

Jeff stood and followed the doctor, Trish and Lita a little way behind. The doctor left them outside the room Matt was in and Jeff walked in first. Matt lay still on the bed, almost as if he was dead. Jeff sat in a chair next to him as Trish and Lita entered the room and sat down. No one said anything for a bit, then Lita began to cry again.

"Why couldn't I have told him?! This is my fault, if he'd known I love him, he'd never have done this!!"

"Lita, honey, there's no telling what could have set him off." Trish tried to comfort her friend.

"It's my fault." Jeff said quietly. Lita and Trish turned to face him. "I always had to be in the spotlight, I could never let him have a chance. I always had to be the best. I never paid any attention to him. I didn't even care that he was always stuck in my shadow, as long as I got glory no one else mattered."

"Jeff, that isn't true." Trish said softly.

"And how the hell would you know Trish?! You never even paid attention to me!! You didn't care that I had a crush on you, you didn't care that everything I did out there, I did to get your attention. You don't know anything!! My brother could die and it would be because I couldn't pay any attention to the fact that he was feeling alone and rejected!!!" Jeff stood up as he shouted at Trish.

Trish opened her mouth to say something, then jumped up and ran out of the room. 

"Wait, Trish, I didn't mean it!!" Jeff ran after Trish, leaving Lita alone in the room with Matt. She moved closer to the bed and reached out for his hand. As she tightened her grip around it, she felt a slight return of pressure from him.

"Matt?" She leaned forward, barely daring to breathe. He shifted slightly and Lita smiled. "You're gonna be ok Matt."

Jeff followed Trish through the hallways of the hospital, finally catching up to her in one of the waiting rooms. 

"Trish, wait, listen to me!" He reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her around. "Trish, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to take out my frustrations on you. I didn't mean anything I said?"

Trish looked up at him. "So you didn't mean the part about having a crush on me and doing everything out there for me?"

"Well, I meant that...." Jeff was cut off as Trish squealed and jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I like you too!!" Trish laughed.

"You do?! That's great!! I mean...uh...that's great!!" Jeff laughed. "So, are we going out then?"

"I think so, do you?"

"Yeah, I think so." Jeff smiled down at Trish.

"We should probably get back to the room." Trish pulled Jeff along with her as she turned and started back to the room Matt was in. Trish walked in first, then stepped out again, putting a finger up to her lips and saying "shh" then pointing into the room. Jeff leaned in and saw Lita curled up on the bed next to Matt, holding his hand.

"I think we should leave them alone for now." Trish smiled and took a seat in one of the chairs along the wall outside the room. Jeff stood and watched the scene in the room for a another moment, then took a seat next to Trish.

TO BE CONTINUED.....IF YOU REVIEW !!! lol


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